Hello rabid readers. Sorry it's been a while since my last update, but I've been working on a couple of other projects and didn't want to mention either of them until I heard some news. All I will say is that both are very exciting, and should provide lots of blogging fodder. Wish me luck on my nameless projects :) and hopefully I'll have some good news to share soon.
Anyway. Today I'm here to talk to you all about something that will inevitably rear its ugly head during the course of your twenties: the impending mid-life crisis of one or more of your parents.
The inspiration for this post came yesterday, when I received a visit from my Dad. For those who don't know, Dad is undergoing one of the most classic and cliched of mid-life crises. First, he abandoned 25 years of marriage to my admittedly difficult mother, forcing her to move the middle of nowhere Virginia, where she is from. I moved here a few months later when life with Dad become unbearable and his mid-life crisis continued to flourish.
Here are some classic signs, most if not all undertaken by Jim:
- Divorce--The spouse is a reminder of how long he or she has been married. I mean, 25 years? In the mind of someone going through a mid-life crisis, thats 25 years of opportunity and 25 years worth of wild oats that haven't been sowed. Never mind the rational response of "uhh marriage is one of those hallmarks of life and eventually shouldn't you outgrow the sowing of wild oats?" The answers to both questions is, of course, yes. But that is a rational response to an irrational situation. Note: this is NOT a defense of my father's actions. It's just what's going on in his head, and it took me months to realize it.
- Younger, Hotter, Better--I'm not entirely sure Jim has gone down this road...yet. I have some evidence, and I know for a fact that he is dating other women currently. The only one I know of for sure is this skanky herpes-afflicted whore who, in my opinion, breathes gonnorhea and would bleed syphillis assuming she had a heart. I've known this woman for years. Even before she started dating my Dad, I hated her with all of my guts. Currently, I suspect he's moved on. To someone roughly my age, maybe a few years older. I don't know this woman, so I can't really pass judgement like I did that other cu...I really shouldn't use that word. But you get the idea.
- The Car--This is classic mid-life crisis behavior. In Jim's defense, he didn't go for the shiny red muscle car like so many men desperate to reclaim their youth have before him. No, instead he just bought a nice luxury sedan. The clincher, and what makes it an unmistakable mid-life crisis car, is that he bought it without consulting anyone (namely me or my mother) before it was purchased. Impulse vehicle purchase=mid-life crisis evidence.
Now, you might be asking "Ok great Chris your father's having a mid-life crisis that has absolutely nothing to do with me you selfish prick." Maybe that's true. But maybe some of you have witnessed some of the behavior yourself in one of your own parents. Here are some important things to keep in mind when dealing with a mid-life crisis in your own life.
- It's not about you--This one can be hard. After all, the person undergoing the mid-life crisis is attempting to relive his or her youth, right? As a 20-something, you're in the prime of your life (apparently. At least, that's what I've been told. I mean, they're alright I guess, 10x better than the teenage years...ok rambling), maybe your parent sees your freedom and happiness and wishes for his own. Not. True. AT ALL. Even if he or she claims to be inspired by your newfound freedom, like Rachel's mom on Friends, you are not the reason your dad is leaving your mom. It's not your fault he's trolling bars for a girl your age, no matter how creepy it seems.
- Impulse buying can benefit you--One of the few pleasant aspects of the mid-life crisis is perhaps your parent's desire to loosen their pockets. If they're offering to buy you things, even though it's most likely a shallow attempt to buy happiness for themselves or an attempt to get into your good graces and be "one of your boys," go with it. Who knows how long it will last? and one of my few absolute truths in life has always been "If someone offers to buy you something, say YES"
- There's nothing you can do--At least, I don't think there is. Maybe there is, but I don't know what it is. By trying to change your parent's behavior, all you're going to do is drive yourself crazy. Don't try. Just try to remember that despite his attempts to be you, he needs to grow out of it himself. Just focus on your own life. Chances are, there's plenty of stuff going on in that to drive you crazy without the influence of mildly-crazed parent.
I hope this helps some of you. It took me a little while to come to some sort of closure with Dad's behavior. But once you do, and just let him do what he's going to do, you will be better off and be able to focus your energy on more pressing matters. Like, you know, finding a job or dating.
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