Yes, it's true. After 2 years of unemployment, offset by a year attending a local community college (I really need to write a book about that experience...so many great and hilarious moments as well as a few genuinely awesome people), I finally landed a real, legit, job.
About a month into intense job search, I came up with a brilliant idea: Temp agencies. Sure, not a full time job, but it pays and I would get exposed to a variety of work environments and learn all sorts of new skills along the way. And, finally, I hit pay-dirt.
First, I was sent on an interview with Wells Fargo. I put on my best suit, did my hair, and was looking like the paragon of a job-seeker. I followed all the rules: cell phone left in the car, no gum just breath mints, and I arrived 15 minutes early (and for someone who hasn't had to get up before 10am in years, that was quite an accomplishment). The interview did not go well. The woman interviewing me seemed to think I was both underqualified for the position, and also over qualified.
The position was a phone-banking position. In other words, angry people who have problems with their account will call me, most likely verbally abuse me, and I do my best to fix the situation.
The other component of the job involved actually trying to convince these angry verbally-abusive people to open some sort of new account. Really, Wells Fargo? That's not going to work. I've been a Wachovia customer since I was 16, and have called their customer service line many times. Every time they try and get me to open a new account. I was never exceptionally angry when I called, but still, their sales pitch never worked. I always cut them off mid-pitch and hang up.
The interviewer immediately noticed I had no sales experience. That made me under-qualified. She also noticed I had a B.A. and a year's worth of legal classes, and her exact words were "with all these qualifications why are you applying for this position?" I answered with the truth. I need a paycheck, and I'm willing to do the work that has been offered to me to get it.
All in all, the interview lasted a total of 15 minutes before I was rushed out of the office. I had a feeling I wasn't getting the job. Secretly, I hope I didn't get it.
As Christina, best friend, put it: "Chris, the instant someone gets angry with you, you're going to transfer all of their money either into your account or to some sort of international charity, then close the account, and tell the client to go fuck themselves. In the end, you will be arrested AND out of a job. This is a good thing for you."
She was right, of course. So when Monday came around and I was told I was not being called back for a follow-up interview, I didn't really care. But. That is when IT happened.
The nice man from the temp agency offered me a position with a reputable, national insurance company working in their tech support department. Again, I was honest and told him I had no experience working in that field. But it was ok.
The company provides me with 8 weeks of intensive training. 8 weeks. PAID. training. I'm just plain psyched. It's a field I'm not familiar with at all, meaning I'll be constantly learning and not get bored, 8 weeks of training implies that this is a long assignment, i.e. more than a year. That would be a year of experience working at a great company to put on my resume with an entirely new set of skills. So even if I don't get offered a permanent position, I 1) have my foot in the door at the company for other positions, and 2) I can update my resume with all of this great experience. Win, fucking, win.
And I'll leave you with this: I can wear anything I want to work. In the immortal words of the Vatican assassin Charlie Sheen, "Duh. winning."
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